Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Small penises have feelings too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
