he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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