He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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