Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?