Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch