hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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