he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin