Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.