Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄