Apparently you make a good broom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
