Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize