a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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