so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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