I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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