mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
