my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
