Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
