Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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