u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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