So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
