For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
