I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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