My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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