Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
