I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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