Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
