My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
