I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
