i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
