my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
