...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
