She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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