he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
