Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
