I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
