Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
