i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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