Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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