Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
