Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
