then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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