Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
