I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
