somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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