I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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