what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
