If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
