I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
