pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
