she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
