I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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