When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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