I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
