If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
