I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
