Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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