I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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