Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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