The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
