last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
