You're completely useless in the revolution.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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