Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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