I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
