took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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