i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
